Hung out with Robert earlier. We didnt have much time cause he was on his break. We talked a lot about nothing. I really wish he'd let his guard down. Seems like I can't even chip at it. I'm concerned for him. He doesn't have a plan for life. He doesn't have a plan for even a week from now.

Earlier was auditions. I feel like I did well but we'll see, tomorrow at callbacks. If I don't make it then at least I won't have any interference with one acts.

School's been going alright. We got a new sub for econ a little while ago. I think he's pretty permanent because Mr. Sweeney's cancer relapsed :\ I feel really bad for Mr. Sweeney and it hits a little close to home because my Grandpa died of cancer. I hope he has a safe recovery and gets back to doing the things he loves.

Apparently I'm part of the DV theatres facebook admin n_n I posted an event invitation for Thespian Coldstone Scoop Night on the 8th

I've been working on getting into Southern Oregon University pretty hardcore. My SAT scores were less than stellar but I've got a great GPA and I'm sending 5 letters of recommendation and maybe some of my art. If i don't get in, I'm seriously going to fall apart at the seams.

My surgery is 12 days from today. I'm a little nervous but ready. Then on to weeks of recoop and hw.

Well that's just a little preview of my life right now. Have a good night.

I rarely ever look forward to returning to school on Mondays unless there's something awesome going on that day. So yes, I'd have to say that I live for weekends. I enjoy feeling free and being able to decide what I get to do with my time. I dread boredom and difficulty, just like every American teenager. I enjoy challenges in Art Production and Ceramics. I enjoy artistic challenges, but that's about the extent. haha n_n

I want to host a postsecret event either at school or downtown antioch. I'd have anyone and everyone write a secret and post them EVERYWHERE where ever we do it. I think I'll ask at school tomorrow.

I'm falling back into these old feelings of just.. pain..hurt.. I dunno. It seems like I've got very little going for me, and I just keep hurting everyone or letting them down. I want to go crawl into a hole...

Just got home form school a little while ago. I really need to do my Beowulf essay seeing as how its due tomorrow. I haven't even started yet and she's given us a week. I just.. haven't had the time lately. Or rather.. I keep filling it with other things. Art Club went really well last Thursday. 32 people showed up. Sure half of them were probably there for the candy, but some people seem genuinely interested in joining. I'm trying to set up a fundraiser so we can get some cash to use for projects (cause this whole thing coming out of my pocket just isnt working lol). Things are going wonderful with me and Spence, though we haven't had all that much time to hang out lately. I delivered my monologue last Friday, and didn't mess up once! Everyone seemed to like it. That's about it for now. Time to start on Beowulf.

Later n_n

I've been spending 3 nights a week crying about things lately...
I need to be able to talk to you about personal things.. I hate this small talk bullshit
I miss you as a friend.. I know we're friends now, but I miss our old closeness..

Why do I feel sick all the time?

Today was really fun, but my stomach's upset. I hung out with Dana, Abe, Sarah and Spence :] we made some disgusting gooey substance which we put on scones, chips and icecream. That's all I can really think of right now. I'm watching project runway and about to look for a monologue. Hope everyones having a good night!

n_n

This band makes me feel like I used to when I'd listen to them last year. It's a soft, sad, pretty, loneliness. I just got off the phone with my dad. I miss him so much... I wish we talked more.. I just feel like I've never got anything to say.. I want someone to hug the loneliness out of me. I want someone to take away all the bad feelings.. someone to assure me of the future ahead of me and to keep me up. My feelings have been so delicate lately. I feel sick. I don't want to be like this.

I don't like the dreams I've been having lately. They fluctuate from being scary to being uncomfortable. I don't know why I've been having them or how to get rid of them. I miss having certain people in my life; more than just those mentioned 2 posts ago. I also keep having a dream I'm looking for my first class and I don't have my schedule with me. Last night I dreamed I was going to highschool but the setting was my elementary school and some old friends met me there.

Today's the last day of summer. The last day of being a highschool Junior. After today I stumble into the world of seniority. I'm excited, anxious, nervous, and relieved all at once.. This year will be my last in mandatory school and then off to the real world. No more teachers that really care about you and want to know you.. everyone heading separate directions.. a whole new world.

This summer has really taught me a lot and I felt this is the most I've grown in a very long time. I learned how to drive and got a car, started a savings account, got a job, became a little more of an independent person, have thrown myself into my [art]work, opened up to people who I hadn't before, mended a friendship, was responsible the 3 days my parents were gone.. so much more.. I'm learning to trust again and that scares the hell out of me. I'm letting myself fall in love with limited boundaries.

If I could redo this summer, I don't think I'd change much. If I did, it'd only be little things like work on a few more projects and spend my money a little more carefully. But nothing else. I know this year is going to be the most amazing. I know I'm going to cry at graduation and probably smaller things of that sort. I've got a lot more growing up to do.. I know I'm ready for it, and whatever I'm not ready for, I've got amazing people by my side to help me through it.

Why am I awake this early? Parents leave today to visit my brother. Right now I'm taking care of my baby on facebook [its like an e-baby or something] lol I forgot all about her. School starts Monday, can't wait. I'm rambling and am not awake yet.

..in a fragile mood and missing an old friend.. a couple in fact. Namely Marrissa and Michael. I just went on both of their profiles, which I haven't done in ages. One's changed in appearance and it seems both've changed in their overall selves..   Went to Joe's yesterday, that was fun. I really like when we can just talk.. we never really had that much. Also went back to school shopping yesterday (finally) i've really been needing some new close as of late. I need to buy shoes, pants and underwear today (lol)

I fiured out what I'm making Spencer for his birthday, I saw something like it online yesterday and it was PERFECT. It's weird not having Yuki around anymore, I kinda miss the squeaking and scattering about. ah well, she's in a better home now. Hope all is going well for all of you. Cant wait to start school again

adios

since my last post.

I went to SanDiego for my brother's graduation from marine bootcamp.
He got to stay home for 10 days.
We had a party for him.
He left.
I celebrated Joe's birthday with him, taking him out to Sushi and gelato n_n
I took senior portriats.
Abe, Dana, Sammy, Robert and I all went bowling, then to the mall, then Denny's,
then my house to watch Coraline and go night-swimming and no one left til almost 1
I FINALLY finished Joe's birthday present (yesterday).
Spencer and I got tickets to see a play (tomorrow)
Today I'm giving Yuki away to a shelter, tomorrow they're having an adoption day.

Hope all is going well with you!

Up late waiting for parents to get back from the airport. tomorrow we finally start working on redoing my room. its gonna be scarlet and purple n_n can't wait. We haven't done anything major to it since we decorated it when we moved in (when I was 8). I miss Spence right now.. We had a good day today. We ate a cinnamon roll and watched youtube videos and had a nice longgg talk. It was perfect. Wednesday was our 3 months. We went to Schooners for dessert all dressed up, then walked around the plaza for a couple hours. I love that we can hang out for hours doing practically nothing and still have a good time.


The Harry Potter Premier was FANTASTIC. We bought Droobles gum, Blood Pops, and Bertie Botts knock off's :]] not to mention Spence made me a chocolate version of Ice Mice. It was all delicious! [except the knock off jellybeans] and the movie was fantastic!!! Cant wait for the next one!


Leaving Wednesday for SanDiego. It'll be cool seeing my brother again :D

Sweet dreams, night owls!

Camping for the last week was great. I'm really thankful to have gotten away from highspeed, drama filled life. I loved just being able to sit around a campfire and talk about nothing in particular. I made a to-do list for this summer and it seems as though very little of it is actually getting done so tonight or tomorrow I'm planning it all out. I feel like I'm changing a lot lately.. I always feel like I'm changing.. I'm working on being a better person and being more friendly and outgoing, I'm really getting into a lot of DIY stuff, I'm trying to broaden my interests and overall just the person I am. I want this for myself and I feel it'll really help in the future.

 Next year I'd like to start a unique sort of art club. It's going to have painting and drawing, but it'll also have makeup art and theatre arts and musical arts and any other sort of art you'd like. I've already lined up some guest speakers and near the end of the year, whatever art made in the club, whatever medium, will be put on in an art show in a gallery in downtown antioch. I want people to be able to express themselves however they want and be able to learn new ways to do so too. I've been doing quite a bit of research myself and think that it'll turn out to be something really cool.

 I can't believe we're going to be seniors.. I can't wait n_n

3 days til camping and I couldn't be happier to get out of here; ESPECIALLY for a week or more.  Like I said, basically NO contact from the outside world when that happens. I've got some employment drama that should be all cleared a little after I get back from camping, which is great and I've been painting a lot more.

Something I've noticed.. I haven't painted this much.. almost ever.. it makes me really happy and I'd love to persue it..

There's your update
Adios n_n

Leaving for camping in a week in a half or so I believe. I REALLY miss it. I think Spence's mom said we're going for 9 days this time. Good; the longer I'm away, the better. During that time I'll have pretty much no phone reception and probably wont' even carry it with me anyways.

Last night I helped work on the Alladin set, and my hands are still covered in black paint lol.
Think I'll go job hunting today
n_n

Later

I want to work at Uno's but I have a feeling I might have to keep looking or work at Go-Go's again or something. It's only the first day of summer and I already want out of here.

I vow to make this vacation as adventurous and new as possible. Hope it all works out.

Volunteering at the Nick Rodriguez at 4, can't wait to see my baby n_n

later

So, today was my last day of Junior year. Spence thinks it's bitter-sweet, I think it just rocks. There's really not much this year that won't be twice as amazing next year. No more math or DANCE! Today was fun though, I must admit. I liked ditching every class and meeting up with Spence. Apparently there was a riot during school, so we were dismissed early due to crowd control. Not quite sure how that all works out, but hey..    

We went to Uno's afterschool, as is tradition, but Spence wasn't feeling very well. Afterwards, I went home, changed, did my hair and makeup, and went back to Uno's to talk to the assistant manager and turn in my application. I'd say that went pretty well- short, but well. Then I went over to Spencer's house where I helped cook dinner and had a nice long chat with his mom. Eventually I went upstairs where Spence was just waking up and found that my baby had a temp of 100.5 :[  we gave him lots of meds and cooled his temp to 99.6 :D   

School is out and summer's finally here. I made a to-do list of everything I wanted to accomplish this summer. I'm really excited about it and I'm REALLY going to try to make it a point to fulfil it as much as posiible.
Hope everyone has a really fantastic summer :DD

He really understands me and we're similar in a million and one ways. He makes me laugh and smile and he listens to me. He's fun to talk to and be with and we share a lot of the same dreams. I'm really happy and I really hope it works out.